Troubled Kids Need Good Teachers

Teachers and other adults have the opportunity to make a difference for needy or troubled kids. It may be the most important thing we do for a child.

Every teacher or adult who interacts frequently with children knows at least one child who was (or is) needy, difficult, frustrated, angry, misunderstood or defiant. In fact, some kids may have all those traits! These are the kids that test your patience every day, thrive on negative attention, push your buttons and make you question your chosen profession or your desire to be around children. Yet, despite the difficult nature of these relationships, oftentimes you may be the only consistent adult figure in this child's life. Here is where you have the chance to make a difference. Do you let the child continue to exasperate you and allow your frustration show up as resentment or even dislike? Or are you able to seperate the behavior from the child and allow him or her the opportunity to start each day with a clean slate?

Let me state right away that this is not the easy route by far. It can be exhausting and frustrating to remain calm and friendly to a child who calls you names, disobeys your orders, flaunts the rules and acts aggressively. This is not to say you need to be a softy, only that when a situation has occured and punishment has been completed, you are able to treat the child in a positive manner again. Even more so than other children, these children need to know that even though they behave badly, they are still worthwhile in your eyes. More likely than not, you are one of the few adults in their lives who make them believe they are worthwhile. And that can make the difference between a child who improves every day with tiny, baby steps or a child who continues to fight "the system" with every weapon they possess.

In my experience working with primary school children, I have come across several children who needed me more than I could ever have guessed. The first was a second grade boy my first year of teaching. He moved from another district and hated his new school, the kids there, me, the town, etc. He also continually tested me to see if I had a breaking point--a scary experience for a first year teacher. The fateful day came when he threatened to blow up the school and then say he didn't do it. He told me people would believe him and not me because he was "just a kid." Instead of backing down, I made a big deal of this statement and took it very seriously. I called his mother (who was apalled at him), sent him to the principal and had a talk about respect with him. From that day forward, he and I got along fine. He still pushed my buttons, and I was still frustrated by his attitude. But he respected me and I kept telling myself, "It's the behavior, not him." And by the end of the school year, he liked his school. All it took was him seeing that I wasn't going to let him walk over me, but I wasn't going to act hostile or angry at him because his behavior was bad, either.

The funny thing was, when he moved to third grade, he was the one student who always gave me a cheerful "hello" whenever he saw me!